


Drink Up Me Hearties Yo HO

by LadySlytherclaw



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Child!Reader - Freeform, F/M, Fire, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:01:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySlytherclaw/pseuds/LadySlytherclaw
Summary: Deadpool adopts a child after she fakes her death.





	Drink Up Me Hearties Yo HO

**Author's Note:**

> I used a prompt from Pinterest which said, "House is on fire. Family runs out the front. You run out the back. When you are not accounted for by rescuers, you are pronounced dead. You've accidentally faked your own death and have decided to roll with it."

I faked my death around 15 years ago. It was a fire that started at my parents house. They all ran through the front door. I chose the back. When the firefighters came, I was unaccounted for and they had to believe I was dead. The fire burned the entire house. I only got out with the clothes on my back as well as my laptop and phone.  
This was the beginning. The beginning of what I would not know until years later. When I later looked at the news at some nearby diner, it showed my entire family alive but all of them looking like soot had gotten all over their clothes. Their faces had only shown a kind of calm regret, as if I had actually died in the fire, they wouldn't have cared as much as they really should have. I wasn't shocked.  
I was considered the disappointment child in the house, my older sister was always so much better and had a 4.0 gpa. I had absolute shit grades in their minds, getting a couple of B's on every report card. God help me if I ever got a C.  
From there, I had given up. Slowly, I began to realize that I had absolute freedom as a child of age 13. My family had no idea I was still alive and I could easily pass as someone older. Maybe old enough to get others to believe that I was an emancipated teen. This would have solved all of my problems for the time being. I only had to find some source of stable income before I was able to get a safer place to stay and be me.  
I slowly got out of the diner, having to pay 13 dollars for my cups of coffee and an hour of wifi. I look up and down the street. Seeing a bar named Sister Margaret's Home for Wayward Girls, I start to head there. There's a decent sized crowd in there, seemingly drinking and gambling their money away.  
Heading to the bar, I sit next to a guy having a shot with whipped cream on top. He's talking to the bartender, who he's calling "Weasel". "I'm telling you, she's the one."  
"Wade Wilson, settling down. Who would have guessed?" "Weasel" says. So the guy with the Golden Girls tee is named like a superhero.  
"Hey! Could I get a drink?" I tried to get "Weasel's" attention but he was too focused on Wilson. He turned to me only after a guy had smashed the pool table several feet behind me.  
"You're a kid! What are you doing in here?" He asked incredulously.  
"I swear if you try to grab me, I will make sure police think you were trying to kidnap me." He loomed over the bar, seemingly trying to intimidate me. The long as fuck hair did nothing except make me almost burst out laughing. He looked at me in shock, wondering if I was even a tiny bit sane.  
"What the fuck is taking so long Weasel? I need that blowjob." Wade looked at me, shocked to see a minor in a place as insane as this. "Weasel, have you been taking in strays again?"  
"No. This one just walked in of their own accord."  
"I'm right here motherfuckers."  
"Whoa! This one's got a mouth on her." Weasel offered Wade a shot that he instantly tried to give to me. I took it from his hand, downing it in one shot. As the disgusting drink made its way down my throat, I rethought the actions of the last couple of hours. "What the fuck happened to you?" he asked, finally realizing the thin layer of soot covering my entire body.  
"I was in a fire. It happened like three hours ago." I tried to brush the soot off of me, only succeeding in getting it all over my hands in the process.  
"So, do you have a family of some sort child? Or are you like all of the fuckers here, alone and having to come to this dump for company."  
Weasel whacked him on the arm. "You come here you nutjob." He turned to me, stating, "This is a place for mercs to get jobs."  
"Cool. So how can I become one?" They were both startled and did the weird what-the-fuck-did-you-say face. "I'm serious. I need to do something now that I am considered a dead girl."  
"Was your house on the news earlier?" Wade asked"  
"Yeah, so?"  
"You are considered dead by the entire world except for us two."  
"Well this is getting weird. I have customers to hate and drinks to serve. I'll leave you two alone now," Weasel slowly goes to the other end of the bar, staring at Wade to make sure he doesn't do anything worse than cuss in front of a minor.  
"How would you like to stay with me? I could teach how to kill horrible people that others want out of the way." I think he actually wanted to help me but stranger danger and all the school trash as well as a healthy dose of paranoia kicked in.  
"Why would you? What do you get out of it?"  
"I kinda need the company to keep me from going off the deep end." I looked at him, my face scrunched up in such a way that said, "Are you sure you aren't insane already?"  
"Fine, I'll do it. As long as you teach me." He looked at me weirdly, as if he wasn't expecting me to take his offer at all.  
"You got it small child."  
"I'm thirteen, dumbass." We both got up, presumably to head out when I asked, "Next time we come here, could I get a few of those drinks which you gave me?"  
"A blowjob?"  
"What the fuck did you say?"  
"That's the name of the drink, you dumbfuck!" He laughs, slowly leading me back to the place I would now call home. "So, when do you want to start Merc Secret Training School?"  
"Probably soon. I don't want to be completely reliant on your ass."  
"I'll have you know that my ass is amazing. Just ask Weasel."  
I looked up at him after stopping in my tracks. "His name is actually Weasel?"  
"He got it legally changed after he dropped out of high school." I started laughing, the alcohol starting to kick in.  
"Why would anyone get their name legally changed to Weasel?"  
"Who knows? He is an insane motherfucker. Also, we're here." We had finally got to the apartment building after what seemed like an hour of walking.  
"How far did we walk?" I ask, legs tiring from the extremely long walk from Sister Margaret's to here.  
He checked a Dora the Explorer watch on his hand. "It took us an hour to get here. New record for longest time to reach this place."  
"How long does it usually take to walk 15 miles?" I look at him like he was crazy for walking any faster than 15 miles an hour.  
"That was a distance of 2 miles. We just took a really weird route to get here since I don't want anyone from the bar following us."  
"Wow, we walk slow."  
I walked up the stupidest flight of stairs ever to grace this hellish Earth. It had around 20 steps per flight. After finishing off the first flight, I decided to ask Wade how much further we had to go up this horrible staircase. He instantly replied with "Top floor." I was ready to flop on the floor and die. I never thought that life could be more horrible than it already was.  
"2 more flights and we can set up where you are going to sleep since I am not sleeping in a bed with a dead girl in it."  
"I'm not actually dead asshole. I just made almost everyone in my life think that."  
After climbing those 2 more flights of stairs, we walked past 5 doors before we came to an apartment at the end of a corridor. Said apartment door also had an elevator door 5 feet away from it. "I thought we actually had to climb those flights of stairs Wade. You literally saw my pain and did nothing to help me."  
"Stop being so dramatic, I was only making sure you knew that there were stairs in case the elevators broke down again."  
"Again? You live in this shitty place that doesn't even have a working elevator." He got out the keys and let us in the apartment.  
"Look Simba, everything the light doesn't touch is our kingdom." He then proceeded to turn on the lights.  
"First you quote Lion King to me, then you try totr blind me. What's next, you trying to kill me via chimichanga?"  
"You like chimichangas?"  
"Fuck yeah I do. Who doesn't? I will physically fight them because chimichangas are superior to all other foods."  
"So, how do you want to do the bed thing? I mean, I can take the mattress and you can take the shitty couch?" Wade asked, gesturing towards the two rooms he had in this shithole.


End file.
